Teh Scottie

I`m posting this like 3 weeks after it was written. I thought it was deleted but I guess it was floating around in LiveJournal`s memory this whole time?

Today I talked with Kaley on skype! It was a treat. I hope I wasn't too excessively rude in the computer lab.

Something that stuck out to me was at one point, Kaley was at an angle where I could see the sunroom in which she was chillin' in. In the panes of the door I saw a bunch of pictures and asked about them. I guess everyone in the House (Prepare House, that is) had put up baby/little kid pics in the window frames. Cute! Kaley mentioned how I need to bring some along to add when I show up in January.

Later on I went to the gym and was doing my thing. Lin showed up around 5ish, and he came over and asked me some cute questions about how much I could lift. I really like Lin, which is funny because when I first met him I couldn't stand him! He's this Chinese kid who went to the U.S. for college (Yale in fact) and then I guess decided to pick up Japanese on top of English. He has this kind of cute stutter in both english and japanese too. I haven't heard him speak in Chinese, maybe its there as well? I figure it's mostly the learning a new language thing though. He's in my new small-sized class, and today I was his partner for most of the day. Anyways, back to my story. So I asked him about basketball, which I knew he had been playing with someone, and he got really excited about the prospects of me playing.  We exchanged numbers and so it looks like tomorrow I will be playing basketball before my Culture class which is AWESOME. Guys i love basketball. I'm from Connecticut, it's in my blood, it's in the air there.

So I'm walking back to the CJS locker room and I start thinking about the baby picture thing again. I have some rather sweet pics of myself as a youngin'. Some are on facebook, so go check that out. One of my favorites is this one of me playing soccer prob when I was around 4 or 5? Maybe 6 even. It was just like perfect timing, the ball is suspended mid air just above my foot, and I'm like in this freeze-frame slide position with my giant afro in line with the motion that the picture can only try and convey. I love this picture.

When I was little, I was active. I still am active, but I mean, back then too I loved to run and play and just be outside and do my thing. I remember being the fastest kid in my class in 1st or 2nd grade, but then again I was going to catholic school and I was certainly the blackest kid there. Well, anyway, I get a strange feeling when I look at older pics, before I gained a ton of weight. I hate the fact that I'm overweight and not because I had insecurities or self-image issues (though I had those aplenty until like, may of last semester haha). I hate it because I know how if could shed 100 pounds tomorrow I would be on the track the next, running because I love to run, sprinting in particular. I hate it because I know that I was a cute kid when I was younger and I feel like I let people down? I feel like I let my family down by gaining weight and not continuing the whole cute thing. Now my Grandma has to apologize for me. It's that sort of feeling. Stupid baby pictures.

The funny thing too, though, is I know that losing weight (which I'm doing now, I'm about 30 pounds lighter than the beginning of the summer, and only 15 of that is Japan!) I know I'm sort of losing a bit of a layer of protection. And I wonder how different my personality would be if I had stayed smaller. Would I still have this sense of humor? Would I be full of myself like most other people?

Just some thoughts I'm thinking.