Teh Scottie

I think the problem with growing as a person is you can't run and hide in your "this is how i do things" bubble. I'm sure that didnt make any sense so let clarify. Say you eat sandwiches everyday. Then some random day you have pizza and you LOVE IT. Suddenly, Pizza becomes a part of your diet. But then your friend goes "hey, try this hamburger." And you are scared. But you can't just be like "I only eat sandwiches," because thats a lie, you've already branched out and tried new things and found that new things aren't scary.

Okay that probably just confused everyone more. Basically this LJ has been serving as a vent for my personal relationships and the crap that goes along with them. And you know what, September basically sucked because of those relationships, err that one relationship in particular. But i came out of it standing tall and I'm really proud. I got a huge wake up call, that basically went like this:

Ring ring

"hello?"

"Diana?"

"Yeah whatup?"

"This is life. You need to grow up."

"..."

"oh, and breakfast at 9?"

"...sure."

Click.


But here is where my analogy comes into play. I really put myself out there, emotionally, like I've never done before. And I got burned, badly. However, as much as I want to run and go back to just joking around with people and avoiding connecting with anyone, I know that I can't. As crappy as the relationship turned out i got a taste of being high on someone's priority list, of knowing that you are on someone's mind a little more often than anyone else, and that rocks. And i can hide behind fear of rejection and low self esteem, or try and fight to regain what I lost, but i can only do this for so long.

Basically, I like a boy. (*audible gasp from reader*)
Which is nothing new, I've obviously had many crushes on many boys at many periods in time. My usual way of dealing was ignoring it, making sure the boy had no idea so as to not alienate myself from them, and the waiting for the crush to pass. It sounds kind of silly, I guess, but it was a lot easier than say, trying to pursue a relationship. Honestly, it was working for me.

What scares me is that in this particular case with this particular boy I can see it as something feasible. To quote Flight of the Conchords, "conditions are perfect." He is just too nice and friendly. He loves God just too much. He and I have too many mutual friends. He asked me for a ride on my motorcycle. WHO DOES THAT!?!?! Boys don't ask girls for rides on the girl's motorcycles unless that guy is just SO CUTE and SO NICE and SO ODDLY SECURE IN HIS MANHOOD and (important point here) SO NOT GAY. It made my heart smile.

And so I'm getting my stupid little hopes up. And I actually told some friends about how I feel. And I hung out with him tonight (which took some forwardness on my part...).

I'm so far out of my "this is how I do things" zone its scary. But I guess my comfort zone is just changing, isn't it?


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TIME TO FALL IN LOVE EVERYONE!!!

What is the hold up?