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Expressive Language Disorder
The other day I was working at Pchops, and it was a night where Shiann was also working, which is always fun because she's one of the people I can just joke around with the whole time, which makes work go by faster.
We we're joking around at some point, and I think she said something kind of odd but funny so I repeated it in my best Shiann voice and said something like, "this is my impression of you." So then she goes, "yeah, this is my impression of Diana...'Like, um, you know, um, like, yeah so...'" or something along those lines. Which made me laugh because it is very true. That is how i sound, haha.
It made me really introspective though, and I think I spent most of my break time that night pondering how, that is in fact the way I talk, and honestly I don't really notice it until someone points it out. I realize it is fairly annoying to have a conversation with me alot of the time. A girl on my track team gets really frustrated with me a lot because she will ask me a question and I guess I don't answer quick enough and coherently enough for her. One of my friends at school would sometimes make comments like, "try and say this concisely." Another friend would often point out how I tend to ramble, and that irritated him a bit sometimes.
And, like when Shiann did her impression of me, I tend to just apologize and take it... I don't like looking for pity, so i generally don't bother to explain about Developmental Dysphasia aka Developmental Aphasia aka Expressive Language Disorder aka whatever else its called.
It is very difficulty for me to talk, especially on the spot. Ever have a word at 'the tip of your tongue'? It's like that, except with every word. I do a few things to get by:
Remember when you were a kid first learning to read, and in class everyone would be reading some text and you would go down a line, one kid reading a sentence aloud, and then the next kid, etc.? And you would maybe count how many people until you, then look ahead at what sentence you would be reading, and then read it in your head a couple times, so that when your turn came you were ready?
Well, I do that with everything. And by everything, i mean as much as I possibly can. I also like to tell stories, because I might still have to use 'ums' and 'likes' as filler, but its simply a matter of recalling as opposed to coming up with something on the spot. Creating a sentence, I have the thought in my head by articulating it takes so much time, I'll get three words out, pause, three more words, pause, common phrasing, pause. To maintain at least some coherency I just fill the pauses.
Its frustrating. and I hate it. and a lot of times I wonder if its something I can beat, or something that will go away on its own (it won't) and if the fact that I am trying to become fluent in another language (japanese) isn't just a bad idea from the start. I can read and listen really well in japanese, but it's very difficult for me to speak it. Same as with english, essentially.
The most annoying thing is when I'm reminded of how I sound, because in all honesty its not something i notice 24/7, you get used to it like an accent haha. It makes me feel rather burdensome to people, to my friends. People will say things that kind of hurt, because I would change it if I could you know? Sometimes I'm rather proud that its not as bad as it used to be, I've really managed to get through life. Now that I'm out of high school I don't have to worry about inclass timed essays, which equaled death, and if it takes me upwards of 10 hours to write a 5 page paper, then thats my problem. And i adjust. The cognitive anthropologist in me finds it fascinating, and it's sometimes a tool in how I learn other languages, because I have to learn them a little differently than others.
Anyways yeah. I don't tell that many people, a handle of people at school know, but i'm sure maybe half have forgotten. I don't like to make a big deal of it.
apatheticWe we're joking around at some point, and I think she said something kind of odd but funny so I repeated it in my best Shiann voice and said something like, "this is my impression of you." So then she goes, "yeah, this is my impression of Diana...'Like, um, you know, um, like, yeah so...'" or something along those lines. Which made me laugh because it is very true. That is how i sound, haha.
It made me really introspective though, and I think I spent most of my break time that night pondering how, that is in fact the way I talk, and honestly I don't really notice it until someone points it out. I realize it is fairly annoying to have a conversation with me alot of the time. A girl on my track team gets really frustrated with me a lot because she will ask me a question and I guess I don't answer quick enough and coherently enough for her. One of my friends at school would sometimes make comments like, "try and say this concisely." Another friend would often point out how I tend to ramble, and that irritated him a bit sometimes.
And, like when Shiann did her impression of me, I tend to just apologize and take it... I don't like looking for pity, so i generally don't bother to explain about Developmental Dysphasia aka Developmental Aphasia aka Expressive Language Disorder aka whatever else its called.
It is very difficulty for me to talk, especially on the spot. Ever have a word at 'the tip of your tongue'? It's like that, except with every word. I do a few things to get by:
Remember when you were a kid first learning to read, and in class everyone would be reading some text and you would go down a line, one kid reading a sentence aloud, and then the next kid, etc.? And you would maybe count how many people until you, then look ahead at what sentence you would be reading, and then read it in your head a couple times, so that when your turn came you were ready?
Well, I do that with everything. And by everything, i mean as much as I possibly can. I also like to tell stories, because I might still have to use 'ums' and 'likes' as filler, but its simply a matter of recalling as opposed to coming up with something on the spot. Creating a sentence, I have the thought in my head by articulating it takes so much time, I'll get three words out, pause, three more words, pause, common phrasing, pause. To maintain at least some coherency I just fill the pauses.
Its frustrating. and I hate it. and a lot of times I wonder if its something I can beat, or something that will go away on its own (it won't) and if the fact that I am trying to become fluent in another language (japanese) isn't just a bad idea from the start. I can read and listen really well in japanese, but it's very difficult for me to speak it. Same as with english, essentially.
The most annoying thing is when I'm reminded of how I sound, because in all honesty its not something i notice 24/7, you get used to it like an accent haha. It makes me feel rather burdensome to people, to my friends. People will say things that kind of hurt, because I would change it if I could you know? Sometimes I'm rather proud that its not as bad as it used to be, I've really managed to get through life. Now that I'm out of high school I don't have to worry about inclass timed essays, which equaled death, and if it takes me upwards of 10 hours to write a 5 page paper, then thats my problem. And i adjust. The cognitive anthropologist in me finds it fascinating, and it's sometimes a tool in how I learn other languages, because I have to learn them a little differently than others.
Anyways yeah. I don't tell that many people, a handle of people at school know, but i'm sure maybe half have forgotten. I don't like to make a big deal of it.
